Crankiness Getting Away from the Whine Routine
CRANKINESS Getting Away from the Whine Routine
When kids turn cranky, a lot of parents take it personally. ''He's just doing it to get his way,'' is one interpretation of Johnny's pouts and whines. Some kids are temperamentally cranky, suggests William Sobesky, Ph.D., assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center and research psychologist at Children's Hospital, both in Denver. '' You don't need to think of it as intentional or take it personally. It's just the way the child is wired.''
But other kids do use crankiness as a form of manipulation. They quickly learn that ''Mommy hates it when I whine and cry at the mall, so she buys me a chocolate chip cookie.'' Here are a few tips to head off crankiness before it becomes a habit.
If there's a problem, take care of it. Perhaps the most common cause of crankiness is a physical need. ''The child is tired or hungry or bored,'' says Dr. Sobesky. ''Give her time for a nap or, if you're out, put her on your shoulder. Get her something to eat or distract her.''
Don't respond to whining. ''If your child uses whining to get your attention, say very simply, 'I don't understand you when you're whining,' '' suggests Robert Mendelson, M.D., a pediatrician and clinical professor of pediatrics at Oregon Health Sciences University in Portland. ''Tell the child, ' When you're ready, come and tell me what's bothering you and then we'll talk about it.' As soon as the whining stops, say, 'I'm glad you're feeling better.' ''
Pay attention to the good stuff. Kids who are using crankiness to get attention should get attention for other, more pleasant things they do. ''The child who is picked up every time she smiles, coos and gurgles learns that when she wants attention all she has to do is smile, coo and gurgle,'' says Dr. Mendelson. ''Don't reward negative behavior by giving her attention only when she's cranky. If you do, you'll just see more of that behavior.''
Raise a do-it-yourselfer. Kids use crankiness and whining as a way of saying ''Do this for me!''
''They whine because they can't tie shoes, their blocks fall down, they don't want to go to bed or they don't want to eat. Whining is a flag that is signaling, 'Please teach me some skills,' '' says Edward Christophersen, Ph.D., clinical psychologist at Children's Mercy Hospital and professor of pediatrics at the University of Missouri--Kansas City School of Medicine.
Rather than leaping to their aid at the first whine, give them some time to figure out what to do on their own, suggests Dr. Christophersen. If they need some instruction, make your explanations brief and simple--and make it clear that you're confident they can do the task themselves. ''The more you help,'' warns Dr. Christophersen, ''the more dependent children become.''
Explain the facts of life. With older children, explain that their crankiness is working against them, suggests Lottie Mendelson, R.N., a pediatric nurse practitioner in Portland, Oregon, and coauthor of The Complete Book of Parenting, with her husband, Robert. If you tell the child how annoying it is when she's constantly cranky, she'll be able to understand how crankiness affects other people.
