The Family Man

Are you in good enough shape to be a father?

Do you have enough strength to carry a baby in one arm, a bag of groceries in the other, and walk with both for a half-mile?

Can you, after a full day of work, come home and still wrestle with the kids, pick up toys, carry out the trash, mow the lawn, play a little basketball with the teens and have enough energy left over to enjoy the activity that got you into the daddy business in the first place?

These are not trivial questions. The years in which you are raising young children—your twenties and thirties—are often the years you are working hardest to get your career on track, and these are not easy times for worker bees. Throw in a family, and chances are you are struggling to find the time, the energy, the motivation to meet all the demands on you. And yet, you''re not willing to sacrifice any of it.

So if the idea of working out to be a better father seems odd, think again. Exercise will give you the stamina, strength and flexibility you need to be the best dad—and husband—you can be. And what''s more important than that?

What a Family Man Needs

The best program for dads would be well-rounded, says Bob Glover, who runs a New York City fitness consulting firm and who co-authored The Family Fitness Handbook. You need cardiovascular strength to have the energy to last through those days in which you are going nonstop from 6 a.m. to midnight. You need flexibility for all that wrestling and carrying and fixing and cuddling. And you need powerful muscles so that an hour with a push mower doesn''t sap you for the rest of the day. Just as important, you need your family''s help and understanding.

"They need to see this as a regular part of your daily routine and respect that," says exercise physiologist John Amberge, director of corporate programs for the Sports Training Institute in New York City. "Then not only will you stay in shape but you''ll also set an example that may get your whole family into the idea of exercise." Here are a few suggestions for accomplishing all these goals in a few simple steps.

Get into the home stretch. Devote a few minutes every day to stretching, either first thing in the morning or right when you get home. First do a couple minutes of warm-up by running in place or playing tag with the kids—you never want to stretch a cold muscle. Then get down to business.

"Stretching does more than aid flexibility. Since it increases blood flow and reduces stress, a regular stretching program is going to revitalize you and give you more energy, which you can use with your family," says Amberge. Plus, a few good stretches will loosen up the muscles that always cramp up from ceaseless baby-carrying, swing-pushing and general roughhousing.

Don''t slink off and do your stretches in the bedroom or basement, though. Do them in the living room, in front of your kids. "They''ll probably want to do them along with you, and that way they''ll pick up a good habit," says Amberge. If nothing else, they''ll be vastly amused by the faces and strange noises you''ll be making.

Find family-friendly aerobic exercise. As Glover observes, dads need aerobic activity. Good cardiovascular strength ensures you''ll have the energy to keep up with your family. It will also help you to stay around long enough to keep up with your grandchildren.

Whatever cardiovascular activity you choose, make it one your family can do with you. Brisk walking, running, cycling, rowing, skating, skiing, swimming or vigorous walking all qualify for cardiovascular fitness points—and they''re all activities you can do with your wife and kids, points out Jonathan Robison, Ph.D., an exercise physiologist, nutritionist and executive co-director of the Michigan Center for Preventive Medicine in Lansing.

Set your pace according to the slowest family member, says Glover. It may not be a very satisfying or effective workout for the more-conditioned family members, but that''s okay, he says. "Enjoy the time together. Use it as your warm-up. Then, after family time, go on out and get in your real workout," he says.

Build a home gym. Families are a fitness catch-22. As your family grows, your need for physical strength and fitness grows with it, but the time you have to build that fitness only dwindles. Between recitals and varsity football and building stage props for the school play, you''ll have less and less time to get to the gym.

If you haven''t done it before now, think about investing in a home gym, suggests Amberge. Nothing fancy—a standard Olympic weight set, a few dumbbells and a good weight bench are all you need. Set it up in your basement or den. Now you can do a workout whenever it''s convenient for you—first thing in the morning or after the kids have gone to bed. Make sure to include equipment for a cardiovascular workout, such as a stationary bike or rowing machine, he suggests. It can be as simple as a video and a step for step aerobics.

"If the equipment is available, you''ll be more likely to use it," says Amberge. Plus, you''ve eliminated the hassle of driving to and from the club, changing, showering and waiting in line to use the equipment. As your kids get older, you can teach them how to use it, thus reinforcing their interest in fitness while giving yourself one more thing you can do with your family.

A special caution: If you still have small children, keep your equipment in a locked room or inaccessible place. According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, home exercise equipment accounts for as many as 30,000 emergency room visits a year—roughly half of those visits involve children under 15. At the very least, teach your kids that Dad''s exercise equipment isn''t a toy.

Don''t forget Mom. As soon as you''ve developed a fitness routine that works for you, teach it to your wife. Chances are, as mommy, she needs it even more than you, says Glover. Better yet, seek out exercises that you can do as a couple. We''ve outlined some suggestions in the Partners chapter on page 163.

The Family Man''s Fitness Plan

Our specific prescription for paternal power has special emphasis on two key areas. First, we''ve doubled up on stretches, which increase energy while reducing pain, according to Charles Swencionis, Ph.D., head of the health psychology program at Yeshiva University in New York City. Second, whether it''s a stretch or a weight-lift, we''ve thrown in plenty of exercises for the back so you won''t be throwing yours out. Whether you''re pressed into service as a makeshift stallion or stooping down so you and Junior can see eye to eye, there isn''t a dad out there who couldn''t use a stronger back.

Or a stronger body, for that matter. So in conjunction with our Core Routine for strength building, find a way to work these exercises recommended by Amberge into your schedule. Do them three days a week and your kids will be bragging, "Our dad can beat your dad."

Side Stretch (Holding Wrist)

Stand with your arms stretched over your head. Holding your right wrist with your left hand, bend over to the right as far as is comfortable and hold for 20 seconds. Return to center position. Grasp your left wrist with your right hand, lean to your left side and hold for 20 seconds.

Forward Stretch

Sit with your legs together, stretched out in front of you. Bend forward at your waist and grasp your ankles or feet. Hold for 20 seconds.

Extension Stretch

Sit on the floor with your legs spread as far as possible, heels on the floor, feet pointed upwards. Lean forward and grasp your ankles. Hold for 20 seconds.

Knee Pulls

This one is part of our total flexibility routine (page 33). Lie flat on your back with your legs straight. Bring one knee toward your chest. Interlace your fingers behind your thigh and draw your knee as close to your chest as possible for 20 seconds. Relax and repeat with the other knee.

Lying Side Stretch

Start flat on your back. Bend your right leg across your body to your left side. With your left hand, hold your right knee down and roll your head and shoulders back to the right. Hold this position for 20 seconds, then relax and stretch the other side.

Lying Back Stretch

This is a great lower-back pain reliever and stretcher. Start by lying flat on your back. Bring both knees toward your chest and pull them closer by wrapping your arms or hands around the backs of your upper thighs. Your hips should curl slightly off the floor. Hold for 20 seconds, feeling the stretch, then relax. Repeat several times.

Shoulder Exercises

Your shoulders know all about the stress of raising children—literally. Between lifting, holding and carrying your kids on marathon piggyback rides, your shoulders go through pure hell. You can keep them strong, and relax the tension you''ll inevitably feel in them, by doing several shoulder exercises, especially shoulder shrugs and the alternating dumbbell press.

Crunches

Good abdominals are important for fighting off lower-back strain. Plus, you''d be surprised how much you need your abs when you''re hauling one of your chubby cherubs around. For the busy family man, Amberge says crunches are the easiest way to go. They require no special equipment, and you can do them in the backyard, on the living room floor—anywhere you want.

Back Extensions

Again, the stronger you can make your back, the better and more pain-free you''ll be. Back extensions, both with and without weights, move your back through a broad range of motion, which also helps keep you limber and flexible.

Rows

Although the pangs of fatherhood seem to concentrate themselves in your lower back, your upper back does more than its share of muscle work. Upper-back muscles not only help you bend over and lift but they also support your shoulders and chest. Bent-over rows and one-arm dumbbell rows will target those hardworking upper-back muscles.

Fun and Fitness for the Family

When we interviewed Edmund Connors for this book, he had just come from an all-out hockey match against his grandchildren.

"They''re five and seven years old, decked out in full hockey equipment, playing against me and my son-in-law," he says. "We didn''t stand a chance."

Connors''s grandkids get their love of hockey from Connors himself, a certified strength and conditioning specialist in Hingham, Massachusetts, who has trained hockey players currently playing for the Boston Bruins, the New York Islanders and the Chicago Blackhawks. Connors also teaches physical education from kindergarten to the sixth-grade level, a key time when dads should be exercising with their children, he says.

"Children need to be exposed to a lot of different kinds of physical activity. It''s when they''re growing up that your children are going to benefit the most from the example you set in physical fitness," he says.

If your kids are already adolescents, they can do many of your favorite fitness activities with you. "Running, cycling, skiing, whatever. At that age, they''ll probably leave you in the dust," says Connors. If they''re younger, though, you need to modify your personal fitness program to fit your children''s level of physical development. Remember that when your children run with you, because of their shorter legs, they are taking twice as many steps as you.

"Younger children aren''t mature enough to grasp the idea of fitness as something that''s good for them. They just want to do something that''s fun," Connors says. "If you set up certain rules or routines that get them interested in fitness early on, when they''re older, they''ll be predisposed to exercise because it''s something they''ve always done and always enjoyed." We''ve mixed together some sensible fitness rules, a few creative calisthenics and some favorite childhood activities to get you going.

Ration TV time. If a family fitness routine is going to work, it will need some ground rules as well as a minimum of distractions. "In other words, you need to get them away from the TV," says Connors.

The best way to do this, Glover recommends, is to ration television-watching time to, say, three hours per week and stick to it. Not only does this free up more time for exercise but it also helps your kids to be more discriminating about what they watch.

Make indoors out-of-bounds. As a corollary to the TV Law, you could add another house law: that certain times will be decreed "outdoor time."

"Maybe it''s an hour every afternoon or a few hours on the weekends. The idea is, unless it''s really awful weather or the child is sick, they''re not allowed indoors," says Connors. "When children are outside, odds are they''re going to do some physical activity—riding a bike, playing in the park. There''s no couch, no TV, no Nintendo outside, so they''re much less apt to sit around and do nothing." Just make sure you adhere to the outdoor rule too, Dad.

Play tag. Now that you''re outdoors, you''ll need some activities to keep you busy and fit. Remember how out-of-breath you felt when you played tag as a kid? Glover recommends it as a solid exercise. Between the running and diving and stretching to make the tag or latch onto the tree you''ve designated as your safe zone, you have a terrific aerobic workout. It''s one you can do year-round, too. For example, in the winter, play snowball tag—whoever gets hit is it. Just make sure the rules call for soft snowballs, not ice balls. And no hitting in the face.

Play ball! With a soft kickball or beachball, you can get your family involved in any number of fun exercises. Don''t just play obvious games like kickball, soccer or catch. Play dodgeball or keepaway, too.

Do animal aerobics. Both Glover and Sara Black, fitness expert and co-author of The Supple Body, recommend "animal" exercises as a fun way to exercise with your family. The idea is that each of the exercises mimics a certain animal. While you and your kids are playing, you''re doing dynamic stretches and aerobics at the same time. Here are some examples.

* Elephant walk. Stand with your feet about hip-width apart. Bend over at your waist and place your palms flat on the floor. You may have to bend your knees, but try to hold your legs as straight as possible. Now move your right hand and foot forward at the same time. You''ve just taken your first elephant step. Now do the same on your left side and repeat.

* Rhino hip roll. Stand and rotate your hips in a big circle, first one way, then the other.

* Cat back. Get on your hands and knees, arch your back up, tuck your chin toward your chest. Then reverse direction and hiss like a cat.

* Chicken wings. This is a great shoulder exercise. Make fists with both hands and place them in your armpits. Now walk around, flapping your "wings" and clucking at each other.

* Safari aerobics. Glover recommends a faster drill of several animal activities, one after the other. First, run like a lion, then bend over and wiggle like a snake, then hop like a bunny, then lope along like a gorilla, then flap your wings like an eagle. Do each of them for about 10 to 20 seconds in quick succession, and you''ll have a fast-paced, high-energy workout that will leave you and your kids in a heap, gasping and giggling.

Give a no-pressure guarantee. Somedays, a child just won''t feel like doing what Dad or his brothers and sisters are doing. If you have a dissenter in the ranks, that''s okay once in a while.

"You don''t want to put too much pressure on a child to do some fitness activity all the time. If he feels pushed into it, he won''t want to do it," says Connors. As an alternative, ask your child if there''s anything he wants to do. "He may just want to play cops and robbers. So play cops and robbers. Just make sure there''s a chase scene. Chances are, whatever your kids want to do, you can find some ways to sneak in exercise," says Connors.