Grief

Grief

Lose a loved one, and you lose more than that person; you lose a part of yourself. Grief, the normal reaction to this and other deep losses, is the most draining of emotions, robbing you of both your energy and your brainpower day after dreaded day.

There are various stages of grief—shock, denial, protest and the most devastating, depression—although they don’t occur in any particular order. Throughout these stages, it’s not uncommon to have trouble concentrating or performing other thought processes. The natural remedies in this chapter—in conjunction with medical care and used with your doctor’s approval—may help you deal with grief and speed your return to normal life, according to some health professionals.

See Your Medical Doctor When...

Your grief overwhelms you, interfering with your ability to perform normal, day-to-day activities.

Aromatherapy

The essential oil marjoram, a soothing, uplifting scent, is a traditional remedy for grief, says Fair Oaks, California, aromatherapist Victoria Edwards. She suggests applying a drop or two of the oil to a tissue or handkerchief and inhaling whenever you’re in need of a little comfort.

For information on preparing and administering essential oils, including cautions about their use, see page 19. For information on purchasing essential oils, refer to the resource list on page 633.

Flower Remedy/Essence Therapy

“Grief is a natural reaction to loss, whether it’s the loss of a job, the death of a loved one or the end of a marriage,” says Eve Campanelli, Ph.D., a holistic family practitioner in Beverly Hills, California. For those recovering from such a loss, Dr. Campanelli recommends the emergency stress relief formula, a blend of five essences used in times of crisis. “Place four drops of the formula under the tongue as often as needed, whenever the feeling of grief overwhelms you,” she says. “Six to 12 times a day is common.”

The emergency stress relief formula, sold under brand names such as Calming Essence, Rescue Remedy and Five-Flower Formula, is available in most health food stores and through mail order (refer to the resource list on page 635). For more information on preparing and administering the formula, see page 40.

Food Therapy

“There’s nothing scientific about it, but I would recommend consuming more ginseng during times of grief,” says Julian Whitaker, M.D., founder and president of the Whitaker Wellness Center in Newport Beach, California. “It helps deal with stresses.” Ginseng is available as a tea, a powder and capsules in most health food stores.

Homeopathy

“If someone experiences the sudden loss of a loved one and is in a state of shock and grief, the remedy I usually recommend is one 30C dose of ignatia,” says Mitchell Fleisher, M.D., a family practice physician and homeopath in Colleen, Virginia.

Ignatia is available in many health food stores. To purchase homeopathic remedies by mail, refer to the resource list on page 637.

Imagery

Although it may be painful, picture the deceased person on the last day of his life. Then take time to speak to the image of that loved one. Say all of the things you wish you would have said before the person died, says Dennis Gersten, M.D., a San Diego psychiatrist and publisher of Atlantis, a bi-monthly imagery newsletter. If you’re angry, sad or feeling confused, let the deceased person know that, too.

“The night my father died, I did that, and the effect it had on me was quite remarkable and healing,” Dr. Gersten says.

Relaxation and Meditation

Progressive relaxation may elevate your mood and give your immune system a vital boost while you are coping with grief, according to researchers at the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing in Philadelphia. To learn the technique for progressive relaxation, see page 122.

In a preliminary study of nine grieving widows whose husbands had died within the previous two months, the researchers found that the women who practiced progressive relaxation three or four times a day for four weeks had increases in their immune cell activity. That’s important, because other studies have shown that people who are grieving are more susceptible to disease.

The immunity boost over such a short period and the corresponding reduction in stress show that relaxation holds real advantages, says Arlene Houldin, R.N., Ph.D., assistant professor of psychosocial oncology nursing at the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing. In order to get the full benefit, practice progressive relaxation three or four times a day, 10 to 15 minutes per session.

Yoga

You may not feel much like exercising, but doing three yoga poses per day can help you deal with grief, according to Alice Christensen, founder and executive director of the American Yoga Association. She recommends the standing sun (page 607), knee squeeze (page 612) and seated sun (page 616) because they increase blood circulation, making it easier to overcome the physical effects of grief. She points out that people who are grieving can become sedentary, but a daily yoga routine can help keep you moving.

Meditation (see page 153) is also helpful, but don’t be surprised if you break into tears in the middle of it. Christensen says you should let them flow freely, and eventually, the meditation will fall into a healing quiet.